Update- August?, Babysitting, car & much more.

Hi guys. I know I have been MIA but here I am. I can't believe that it is almost august! Where has this summer gone? Seems like yesterday I was tweeting about it being my first day of summer! Time goes by tooooo fast! On another note, if you did not know already but my sister did have her sweet little boy.  He was born June 26 at 6:33 p.m. He is my entire world. He got to come home June 28 (my sisters birthday). Each day my day is pretty much the same. I wake up late, lay around, go see Brody, come home, go see Brody around 8 (I help her give him a bath), then come home and stay up till about 3 in the morning for no reason. Recently this local pizza place called my sister & asked if she was willing to come and do a interview. Considering that our state will not make the father pay child support she really needed to take this job. Even though it is still "early". My mom said she went back to work about 3 weeks after my sister was born. Anyway, my sister would be making better money at her new job than her old one so she went for a interview. They asked her to come back that same night to start training. My sister had to train Wednesday night & Thursday night. They told her she would start really working Saturday & Sunday night (like getting tips). Friday afternoon they called to ask her to come to work Friday night. My sister worked last night, she will work night & has to work tomorrow night. & guess what lucky person gets to watch sweet Brody? This girl. I am so happy my sister trust me (she don't trust many people) to watch him! I love spending time with him. I am ready to get a car (& for him to get older) so I can take him places. I am supposed to be going to look at cars very soon. My mom said when we go to the next town over when I go to the doctor we was going to look then. I am excited. Speaking of doctor I still do get my allergy shots. I got every Monday and Wednesday at 3:30. I have noticed such a HUGE difference. Anyway, I think I am going to go now. I am going to relax for the rest of the day because babysitting a newborn can be tiring. Bye guys :)

Love always,
                      Brittany. XoXo

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My summer so far.

Hi guys. I know I have not updated my blogger in a while. Since it's summer I do want to write more but since I am lazy and have a smart phone I don't really open my laptop much anymore. But, I promise I will. So as of today it is June 18! My summer has been a rainy one. It rains a lot and it makes me so lazy and blah. Lets see, I have hung out with my sister and her friend Taylor some, I have been laying out when it's sunny, I have been swimming just last week and that was a fail. This past weekend was not the best thing at all. Friday Me and my sister went swimming and tanning at my great aunts house. It was very fun! That night I realized that the sunscreen did NOT work and I was so sunburned! My shoulders, arms and chest was very lobster red. My sister was the same, not as bad. Saturday my sister's sunburn did not even hurt anymore, mine on the other hand was horrible. I found out soon that I was Sun Poisoning. Saturday it made me very sick. I was dizzy, sick to my stomach, my blood pressure was high and my heart rate was out of control. I knew something was not right and my heart rate was like 180 and sometimes 200. I decide to take a nap and just rest for the rest of the day. I felt a little better but if I got up I got sick to my stomach. Sunday witch was Fathers day was worse. I felt better but I was very "down in the dumps" because of fathers day. I stayed strong all day but that night I broke down. Even though my dad left me, hurt me so bad I missed him. I miss him a lot but that day was hard. Most of you, if you have a Facebook or twitter know its hard to not get on there.. like you check it about every 5 minutes. Twitter was not as bad as Facebook but my Facebook was filled with "I love you daddy" "happy fathers day to my dad" and so on. I found it so hard to even get on Facebook yet I did. Anyway, back to happy. My sister has still not had little Brody. She is 38 weeks pregnant. Even though she is not full term the doctors cannot put her in labor but they tell her to try. My sister has had a bad pregnancy and its getting worse. She has never been over like 170 pounds and with Brody she is like 200 now. She can walk from her bed to the bathroom, they are in the same room, and can't breathe. She has done absolutely everything you can to go into labor. Nothing is working. When she goes to the doctor this week (now on weekly checkups) she is going to ask them to scrape her walls witch supposed to be the best thing to go into labor. She is already dialed to 3 and thinned out some. She has a lot of contractions but nothing serious. Her belly is down and his head is in position. He is already settled because he don't move much. He is stubborn. My sister was the same way my mom had to be put in labor. He needs to get here so his mommy, nana and aunt b can see his wittle face :). My summer is not really fun to other people I guess. To me hanging out with my sister waiting for Brody, reading, being a Tumblr and listening to music is fun. I will write as soon as I find something to write about. I am sure once Brody is here I will write all the time about him :). Bye guys & have a great summer. 

xoxo,

 Brittany♥

I am used to it.

Yesterday night as I was at the hospital with someone, to get where we was going we had to talk past the place where the people go if they tired to kill their-self. They had a open room, nurse's watching every move they make, and they was even laughing and joking. Most people would look at that like if your happy, why hurt yourself? Me? I don't. I go through the same thing. No i'm not at the hospital nor does a nurse watch over me 24/7 but I act so happy. I laugh, I make jokes, and I don't look like the person who would cut there-self or even think about killing there-self. When people look at me they see a happy person but they don't even know what is going through my mind, or anything. Sometimes I just wish someone would help me. I feel like if I ask for help people will think its for attention because I do come off as a happy person. I just want someone to look me in the eye after they ask me "Are you okay?" and then I would say "Yes :)" ... i want them to look me dead in the eye and say "No you are not, stop lying". But I honestly think no one cares that much about me to do that, even if they knew I was lying. I am trying so hard to get stronger, better but it's hard when you don't have anyone to talk to. It's hard to when people don't care about you. If anyone told me 10 years ago that I would be like this, depressed, alone, friendless, fat, ugly, etc. I would have laughed in their face. I am to the point in my life where I don't care about nothing. I give up. All day I tell myself my family cares about me and I do have friends but at the end of the day I know I am lying to myself.  I hurt so much to the point that I am used to it. I am used to waking up with dark circles and bags under my eyes because I have been crying, I am used to my mom picking my sister over me, I am used of being yelled at, hurt, used and back stabbed by everyone. And I know as a human being that nobody in this fucking world should be used to that. It hurts more than anything. But I am used to it. If I make it out of this, I will soon be okay... But I don't know if I can make it out. They say "The Teenage Years Are The Best Years of Your Life" it gets worse? If anyone feels this way or anything and just want to talk, I have plenty of ways you can reach me. Stay strong ♥

xo, 

     Brittany.

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Tumblr: http://brokenbeauty-brittany.tumblr.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BrokenBrittanyy

Summer is almost here....

School is almost guys. Lets just take a moment to.... JUMP FOR JOY! I can't wait for long summer nights, no waking up early, staying up late on Tumblr, staying in my pjs all freaking day and just not going to school. I know some of you guys are are tomorrow because its Memorial day but my school is a bitc* and we gotta go.. but I don't even care. I have two full days of school (Monday & Tuesday) then a half day Wednesday and BAM my summer starts.. OH YEAH :) So I know this is a short blog but I need to study for exams so I will write soon <3 Love you guys :)

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Vine: Brittany Ann-Nicole

Cancer is winning...

Walking into the room where your cousin is laying there.. dying. She can't talk. Everyone comes to see her. The doctors say she will not make it much longer. She is a beautiful, strong woman, mother, family member.

It all started about uh two years ago (soon after my great grandma when home to God) when my 2 cousin got breast cancer. She went through chemo. She did really good. She lost hair, some weight but stayed strong. After removing the breast, and the chemo treatment doctors said "She is cancer free." About 3 months ago she went for a checkup... cancer was back and stronger than ever. She went through chemo again, lost all her hair and lost too much weight. After that they checked her, cancer is in every little part of her body. She is eaten up with Cancer. About a few days ago she was put in the hospital told she would not make it through this weekend (it's Saturday {4/13/13} now). Yesterday morning they moved her to a hospice house. This morning me, my mom and sister went to see her. She did not look like the Steph I knew. She looked so... different. She was sleeping. She looked beautiful.. She IS beautiful. She wanted to talk but could not get the words out so she went back to sleep. I can't believe that she is just sitting there dying... but there is nothing else we can do.. she is eaten up with cancer. I just want anyone who is reading this I am sorry... If you have EVER been in my spot I pray for you so hard. The only person to get Cancer in my family (other than her) was my grandma when I was a newborn but thankful I did not lose her. I am losing someone now. Her son is losing his mom. Her mom and dad is losing their daughter. Her brothers are losing their sister. My family is losing a family wonderful person. But she will be safe. She will be with our granny in heaven. She will be with the father of all. That's what I try to think about. I have to be strong. I will be strong. I love you Steph, we all love you.

xoxo,
Brittany <3

My favorite iPhone Apps.

The one thing I love to do is watch the "Whats On My iPhone" videos on you-tube from the beauty gurus. So I thought maybe I would share some of my favorite iPhone apps with you! 

____________________________________________

Heath:

-Butt workout (I think FREE)

-Fitness buddy (I think FREE)

-Leg Workout  (I think FREE)

-Web MD ( FREE)

-Pt. Plus Dairy ($1.99)

-P Tracker (They have a free one but I bought mine I think 0.99)

_____________________________________________

Music:

-Pandora ( free)

-Shazam ( free) 

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Photography:

-Pic Joiner (free)

-Picfx ($1.99)

-whitagram ( free)

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Backgrounds (girly):

-CocoPPA (FREE;;; AMAZING APP) 

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Others:

-Snapchat (free)

-Wanelo(free)

-We Heart It (free)

-Emoji (free)

-Keek

-Netflix(free)

-Shop Kick (free)

-Vine(free)

-Waze(free)

*************************♥♥♥♥♥♥♥***********************

Instagram: princessbrittanyann 
Twitter: Brittany5Bieber
Tumblr: http://princessbrittanyann.tumblr.com/ 

** have a question? ask me on Tumblr! You do not have to have a Tumblr to ask me a question. **

xoxo,
 brittany.

Update On Life!

I know that I have not wrote a blog in a while. I am just not feeling myself anymore. It's getting worse. My life is falling apart more and more each day. I went to the doctor March 6th to get a refill on my Prozac (Depression Medicine) and they up'd my dose since it was not working. The new one is either not working or still has not kicked in yet. I feel dead. I cry a lot more. I did not eat nothing yesterday and this morning I looked and I lost a pound. I was so happy. But then I realized you could not tell so I was still fat... so I got upset. I also texted my mom today during school and asked if we could get me someone to talk to about all my problems. She said we would look into it. I am trying to hint to her more and more how bad I am. I'm scared to tell her that I think about dying and I cut. I don't want her to think I am crazy. I don't want my sister finding out either. She judges me to badly. It hurts.I post quotes from Tumblr on my Instagram and share them with my Facebook so she will see.  I noticed another type of self harm that I have been doing. I bite myself. I know it sounds gross or nasty or stupid. But I do it. I have done it along time now and its getting worse. It's like I like the "pain". I always have this urge where if I look at my hands or arm I have to bite. I feel stupid. I don't know anyone who does this. Well dinner is almost ready and since my mom is home tonight I have to eat. We are having grilled chicken so that will be okay. Stay strong beautiful, we are in this together; I promise ♥ 
XOXO.

Instagram: brittanym_1 
Twitter: Brittany5Bieber
Tumblr: http://princessbrittanyann.tumblr.com/ 

** have a question? ask me on Tumblr! You do not have to have a Tumblr to ask me a question. **